Part 1
Respond to my descriptive writing sample #1 (something that I dread) by leaving commenting on it. You will need to click "comments" at the bottom of the entry). This should be a minimum of one long paragraph (6 sentences or more). You must do the following:
Write your general impressions - did you find it interesting? Why or why not.
What was the overall impression or mood that the author was trying to convey?
Find at least two strong adjectives that the author used and explain why they were effective. For example, what sense does it appeal to, what mood or image does it convey?
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10 comments:
Chris Sefcik
There was alot of descriptive language and metaphors in this story. It made it much more interesting to read. It seemed as if the character didn't want to do something, but he knew he had to do it anyway. Beneath it rows upon rows of tiny cushions float on a sea of plastic. was one of the best decriptive sentences in this paragraph, as well as Its hum and whirl break me from my trance as I stare at its pulsating ominous eye. Resigned and Compelling are some pretty powerful adjectives. The mood seemed a bit dreary. I think you spelled peeking wrong though in the second sentence.
I found it interesting that the author didn't specify exactly what he was talking about, but instead gave the readers clues to see if we could find out what it was. The overall impression obviously was dread of beginning work. I thought two strong adjectives were ominous and mechanical. I chose these two because I didn't know what ominous meant and then I looked it up and I found out that it meant menacing or evil. I thought it was very powerful once I figured that out and mechanical gave me the clue that it was a computer.
It was very descriptive, and gave the reader a thorough Idea of what he was talking about.
When I first read this piece of descriptive writing, the first thought that had came to my mind was a Man, which was really depressed and/or mad at the fact he was being forced to do something that he really didn’t want to do. It was confusing in the beginning and it made me really think as each sentence passed by, But as this sentence came along, my mind had clicked together. It was “my finger lazily crawls to the plastic pad -- resigned to the fate of all procrastinators…..” that had really caught my mind. It makes me wonder, what will happen next?
While reading this story i noticed that it never truly told you what was going on but still managed to paint a picture in your head. The writing is riddled with metaphors. The style in which it was written reminds me of the first paragraph we read of farenheight 451. It's different though in the sense that this story instills the sense of fear while the latter does not. as for adjectives i believe that when it said "pulsating ominous eye" near the end it used two great adjectives. pulsating to creep you out and ominous the instill fear into the senses
Q:
Write your general impressions - did you find it interesting? Why or why not.
A:
The writing is very well done and definitely has strong verbs and adjectives as well as metaphors, similes, and personification. I especially like the metaphor, “Beneath it rows upon rows of tiny cushions float on a sea of plastic.” That sentence, to me, seems like you are describing the keys on a keyboard and I feel that was a very interesting way to express how you see them.
Q:
What was the overall impression or mood that the author was trying to convey?
A:
I think that you were trying to make this piece of writing very meaningful, the language does have that effect, although I feel the subject of trying to put off work on a computer doesn’t seem to be such a “deep” poem.
Q:
Find at least two strong adjectives that the author used and explain why they were effective. For example, what sense does it appeal to, what mood or image does it convey?
A:
In the sentence, “With head hanging like a dead snake…” the adjective, dead, makes the mood seem sad or just there.
In the sentence, “My finger lazily crawls to the plastic pad -- resigned to the fate of all procrastinators…” the adjective, lazily, makes the mood seem as if there is absolutely no want to do this activity.
Write your general impressions - did you find it interesting? Why or why not.
This was very descriptive and there were many adjectives to describe every detail of what’s happening. It was also interesting how you never told us what the object your talking about is but we can assume it’s a computer.
What was the overall impression or mood that the author was trying to convey?
I think the author was trying to give a creepy or eerie mood because of all the strange details that are given.
Find at least two strong adjectives that the author used and explain why they were effective. For example, what sense does it appeal to, what mood or image does it convey?
1. “A soft whitish glow” gives me the feeling of an eerie image.
2. “A shot of cold air” this one also gives me a creepy feeling because of the sudden rush of cold air.
I found this reading very interesting because it was very detailed. It was interesting because it had good vocabulary and had strong adjectives, strong verbs, similes, metaphors, and some examples of personification. In addition, this was interesting because the reading didn’t tell you straight up what was happening, but understanding the passage I concluded that it was a computer.
What I felt when I read this was a creepy mood because this was like a scary movie talking about the darkness and the opening of the door and pushing a button which is pretty creepy.
A strong adjective that I found was slowly. This was effective because the author shows you at what rate the guy is going at and creeps people out. In the book it says, “Slowly open the creaking door.” This is like a horror movie where they go all slow and opens the door and that creeps me out. The second adjective is “My finger lazily crawls to the plastic pad” is effective because it gives a feeling of oh my gosh it has to be done cause its destiny or something like that. The mood it gives me is exciting because there is something to done and it sounds cool too.
I thought that this was a very well written piece of writing. I finally understood what was going on once I read a few peoples comments. It really interested me because I usually don’t enjoy reading metaphors. I really like how the author used a lot of detail to describe everything. It made the writing piece a lot stronger. I feel that the mood the author is trying to convey is a lazy and tired mood. The way I see the author’s character is, I feel that he is lazy and he has procrastinated. I really liked this writing piece. It makes me wonder what happens next.
I thought this was an appealing piece of writing. I liked how all of the comparisons made in your writing were compared to something murky or unappealing as to maintain a certain level of repulsion. My first impression was that you have had a bad experience doing something, although when you keep reading you realize that it is the computer that you are referring too. I think that because you did not directly refer to what you were saying in made the reader more interested in the writing. Although because there was so much lengthy detail it was hard to convey what you were refereeing to until you were done reading it. What I really liked about the end of your writing is how you added why you had to use the computer. It sends a message that says you are trapped with what you fear the most. Throughout the writing I noticed several sounds and visuals to give me a sense of what is going on, I really liked that.
Just looking at the first two sentences I noticed two very strong adjectives. “Creaking” and “darkness” were the two that I noticed. Creaking describes how badly the door opens giving me the impression that just trying to get to wherever you are heading is an eerie experience. Darkness then describes what you see when you come close to the computer, giving me a visual sense of what you are doing.
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