Something I dread ....
A shot of cold air struck my face as I slowly open the creaking door. Peaking behind the darkness lay the contours of the thing I’ve been dreading. The angles jut out and the blinking lights glow and beckon me with apprehension. Mustering all of my courage I shuffle my feet to the soft leather. With head hanging like a dead snake, I grab the back of the chair. Its tiny wheels scrape against the hard wood and I flop into it. There it is, before me, the thing I’ve been dreading. Approximately 12 inches by 18 inches of pitch black. Beneath it rows upon rows of tiny cushions float on a sea of plastic. Looking to the left a long pole stretches to the ceiling -- as I turn its knob a soft whitish glow emanates from its mechanical head. Looking to the right I see the tower - the thing. I push the button and it comes to life. It is impersonal but at the same time commanding – compelling me to abide by its wishes. Its hum and whirl break me from my trance as I stare at its pulsating ominous eye. Unconsciously and without effort I hear myself mutter, “tomorrow morning is the deadline.” My finger lazily crawls to the plastic pad -- resigned to the fate of all procrastinators…..
40 comments:
I think that you are talking about a computer and how you are dreading working on it. It is very interesting how you explain everything. As I am reading this I see a man walking through a door and slowly walking and just throwing himself in a chair slowly turning on a computer like as if he would be dreading it. The author also uses alot of metaphors to describe what he is doing. its very interesting. i kinda want to know what will happen next.
I found that this piece was fairly interesting to read, though afterwards it left me slightly confused.
The impression that i was given was that the man was depressed, and saddened by something that he was being forced to do.
Resigned and Commanding were the ones that really truly popped out at me when i read the piece (no, i didnt just copy justin) They are both words that make everything after it more powerful and give the words more meaning. So all in all, they convey power to me, and a picture of dominance.
I like the use of figurative language throughout the paragraph and there was only 1 gramatical error, which is good. However, i found myself unable to actually understand what i was reading about. Maybe it could be more clear as to what the "12 inches by 18 inches" thing is?
I really like the way that this was written. The Metaphors and Personification. Bringing the computer to life and animating it in a human-esque way by attaching fear, coldness, and dread to it was really a brilliant form of descriptive writing.
I think that the mood of this piece was of courage, fear, and a slightly depressing outlook on work. The writing really hit me because it reminded me of myself. I also hate the process of starting a long project and having to sit down and to not do the million other things that I would rather be doing, and I end up being easily distracted.
Among the many adjectives that you used a couple stuck out to me: First of all "commanding" this really gave a sense of the relationship between the man and the machine. Secondly "beckon" was used very well and it describes the commanding nature again and influences the ominous mood.
Overall the writing painted an amazing picture and showed your emotions very clearly.
Write your general impressions - did you find it interesting? Why or why not.
Hmmm... It was mildly interesting... Not much was happening, though. What was this about, anywho? I had the impression of a man going to the computer, but it was too abstract for me to be sure.
What was the overall impression or mood that the author was trying to convey?
There was a feeling of ominousness, dread, and nervousness. I think it was conveyed rather nicely, but it wasn't as extreme as it could have been. But, then again, if I was right in it being about a man going to the computer, it may be rather hard to convey it more extreme
Find at least two strong adjectives that the author used and explain why they were effective. For example, what sense does it appeal to, what mood or image does it convey?
Resigned was a very strong one. There's something rather ominous about it in the way it's used. It makes me think that he's been charged with this fate, almost.
Commanding was also rather strong. It goes along with the whole theme of an ominous, unavoidable fate
The writing example was extremely descriptive but the writer still didn’t just let the reader know what he was writing about. It makes you guess the subject of the article of writing.
I found it somewhat interesting and I think that it was well written. There were many strong adjectives and verbs that made reading this not too tedious. There also some small grammar mistakes that you don’t really notice when you’re reading - mainly mixed up tenses. It seems like this piece of writing was written extremely quickly and late at night (exactly like the topic of the paragraph). The writing made me feel as if the writer was trying to convey a feeling of darkness, dread, procrastination, and the feeling of being awfully tired.
I can relate to this piece because I have felt this before. I am most definitely a procrastinator. I hate having to sit down at my computer and start writing a long and boring essay 8:00 at night the day before it’s due. In general, the writing explained something that could have been said in one sentence beautifully.
I think this little article was interesting, but it was also kind of dull. It was too descriptive to the point where it vague. There were words and metaphors everywhere and it was a mess, and the descriptions seemed to be used to occupy the space that your message should have.
It seemed that you were trying to convey a very dark mood, that working on the computer was the depth of your misery but that it also had to be done.
(Adjectives)
Adjective 1: "...Soft whitish glow.." This part made the glow you were talking about seem very faint. If you would have just said 'it glowed'I would have pictured it begin much brighter.
Adjective 2: "Its hum and whirl..." the hum and whirl part makes this computer seem powerful.
Innyhoo, this piece of writing was pretty nifty :)
--Laura Mitchell the Magnanimous
While reading this it was pretty interesting but sort of confusing to me. I sometimes got lost and had to re-read it.
The mood of this Writing was very nerve racking and sound dreadful and sad. i wasnt to sure what he was trying to convey but just to make you feel like your right next to him and experience it.
emanates sounded pretty strong and a detailed word.
Commanding was good it seemed to go really well with the story.
Hello Mr. Janna,
First, I would like to say that I really liked this bit of writing. You said that you are not that good, but I think that's not true. One of the things that I like the best is that you never really say exactly what it is that you fear so much. You give the impression of this hulking monster with flashing eyes that sits in the cold room, but you never explicitly say that you fear computers (at least I think that is what you are saying you fear).
To your second question I believe that you conveyed a feeling of apprehension. The piece is called “Dread” but I think that is not really the feeling that you give. It’s not a terrifying piece that inspires fear in the reader, but more that there is this…thing…looming over the author’s head. Perhaps you should re-title it “Apprehension”.
I like the use of words in your piece as well, especially “commanding” which is so fierce, “impersonal” which gives the feeling of distance and “pulsating” which I just think is a good word.
Over all a good job.
Kit
PS I cant wait to do some of this ourselves!
I thought that this piece was well written and interesting. It keeps the reader interested by confusing them a bit and not ever saying exactly what object is being discussed. Because of the adjectives chosen, I think a sort of dim or unhappy mood is being conveyed. This is demonstrated through the use of phrases like “dead snake” and referring to the computer as “the thing” and giving it characteristics such as an “ominous eye”.
Your story started off strong. I think that that’s very important because if your topic sentence is strong it will grab the reader. Which is what happened with me. I found your story very interesting, and like we discussed in class yesterday the word/s you use can change the mood of the sentence. You used lots of descriptive words which made your story MUCH more interesting. I also really like how the story was very descriptive but it doesn’t straight up say what its talking about.
When I was reading your story the mood was kind of grim. I also think that you were talking about working on something you hate last minute…like working on a report last minute on your computer.
Peaking behind the darkness
cold air struck my face
Well written, but I think that you went too much into emphasizing the dreadfulness of this chore. I had to read it multiple times to actually understand everything that was happening and being commented on.
The fact that you're using metaphors and strong adjectives to turn an everyday item (a computer, in this case) into a monster that is to be dreaded and hated by all is a good start. But, also the reader needs to be able to tell what you are talking about.
I did enjoy reading the piece, but the fact that I had to double back so many times took away a lot of what would have been a positive effect.
It was very descriptive, and gave the reader a thorough Idea of what he was talking about.
When I first read this piece of descriptive writing, the first thought that had came to my mind was a Man, which was really depressed and/or mad at the fact he was being forced to do something that he really didn’t want to do. It was confusing in the beginning and it made me really think as each sentence passed by, But as this sentence came along, my mind had clicked together. It was “my finger lazily crawls to the plastic pad -- resigned to the fate of all procrastinators…..” that had really caught my mind. It makes me wonder, what will happen next?
When I read this paragraph I thought it was interesting. This was interesting because it had a lot of descriptive writing such as metaphors, similes, and personification. The descriptive writing made this passage sound really good. The vocabulary in this was good too. In addition, the passage was very detailed and told every bit of detailed there was. Like the 12 times 18 of pitch darkness. In conclusion, this passage was very interesting and had a lot of feeling put into it.
This entry in the book was interesting because of how descriptive it was but at the same time it bored me because there is no action. To me I think that the overall mood of this section was pretty depressed and there was a little bit of anger in this section. An example of descriptive adjective in this small part of the book was darkness because it sounds so powerful and it just gave me a feeling of anger. Another adjective that I found interesting was the word “glow”. This word shows some sort of hope and emotion of happiness
I found this piece to be interesting because it tells about how people come in early in the morning or late at night to work on a computer so that they don’t have to do it the next day. This is similar to what my mom does. She goes in to work early to do paper work so that she is done with them before she has to start work. I also found that the overall impression this article is that adults who work have to do many things that they don’t like to do. (Adjectives) When the author used tiny to describe the cushions that all the keys sit on I thought it as really strong because it described how there was a bunch of keyboard keys in front of him. A shot of cold air was another adjective that was strong in how it showed that it was early in the morning and it was cold outside.
I thought that this was a really interesting piece. As I was reading, there were so many details that kept me interested in what was going to happen, that is why I thought it was so interesting. All the details that were written were great and extremely descriptive; it gave me a perfect picture of what was going on.
The mood of this writing was dark. It was as if the man would have preferred death over writing the article or whatever it was. It seems like that man was intimidated by the assignment, horrified almost.
“…open the creaking door…” That was great, it was a lot better than the door was opened. It was a phrase like that, that made me want to keep reading. I felt as if I were there and I could see and hear what was happening.
“Mustering all of my courage I shuffle my feet to the soft leather…” Using this was so much better and got my attention a lot more, rather than walking forward to a chair. This set a mood of being nervous or scared.
This piece of writing is actually very interesting. This is because it is very descriptive, detailed, and there’s always something there to catch your attention. When you read this you can picture every little thing in your head. Another thing that makes this very interesting is that it has a lot of metaphors so it gets you thinking on why the writer chose the comparisons he used. In my opinion I think that the author’s mood or impression he was trying to convey is a very depressing, dark, nervous, dread feeling and as if the character didn’t want to do what he was doing. As if he was being forced. “Shuffle my feet” The author showed nervousness in this piece of writing by using the word shuffle. And he showed a depressing feeling by using the quote “Peeking behind the darkness.” This quote also relates to nervousness in a way. I liked this writing piece but it was sometimes confusing and I had to read it over a couple times.
After reading this piece it was kind of interesting, because it first I didn’t know what was really happening and it used a lot of adjectives in it to describe many simple things. After thinking about it for a moment, I realized that it was a person walking into a room, and slowly walking to the computer chair and start sitting in it. Turning on the computer next and waiting for it to slowing start up.
A shot of cold air struck my face as I slowly open the creaking door.
From this sentence I found two adjectives in this sentence, the first example was a shot of cold air struck my face, after reading this, I pictured someone opening the door and cold air coming out of the room. The second one was open the creaking door, I felt like the house he was in was really old, usually when door creek it means the door is old, or the house.
Mr. Jana!
I think your descriptive writing was really well written. You had many good metaphors and personification that caught my attention as a reader. For ex: “I shuffle my feet to the soft leather. With my head hanging like a dead snake”. While reading the descriptive writing I notice your dreading problem had to do something with a machine. Because you said: “I push the button and it comes to life”. And that’s how usually how you turn on stuff (like a computer ;). When you turn this machine your scared to use it.
Overall I think its pretty PIMP
After reading this blog I felt a bit confused in the beginning. At first I thought you were talking about being afraid of the dark. The words that were used and how the were written was very creative. It felt like I was in this person’s shoes and actually feeling what this person really dreads. The power of using descriptive words really changes an article and how it makes you feel like you are really there. A mood that I feel that the author is trying to convoy is being nervous. That he/she is afraid that they didn’t finish something for work or for school. The use of the verb “shuffle” convoys nervousness. An adjective that describes what the person is feeling is “ominous.” I see it like a monster has entered your body making you wait till the last minute to do your work. You are still afraid of this monster but it takes over you and its name is the “procrastinator.”
I found this blog very interesting and descriptive. This was interesting because had so many descriptive words that painted a picture in my mind as to what was going on in this piece of writing. The overall mood that this author was trying to convey was that he didn’t want to write on the computer but was worried that he wouldn’t have his work that needed to be done by his deadline which was the next day.
“With head hanging like a dead snake”
This was used to explain the way he was walking towards the chair which was in front of the computer that he dreaded. This helped the blog because it gave it more a descriptive picture of how he was walking. So that it didn’t just sound boring for example it could’ve said “he walked to the chair” which doesn’t create a interesting picture.
“My finger lazily crawls to the plastic pad”
This piece from this blog was used to explain how much he didn’t want to type and how his fingers felt when reaching towards the keyboard. This helped the blog because it gave a great visual on how he was very lazy to type.
I thought that the sample (something that I dread) was really interesting. It was really interesting because the author was very detailed, he explains everything really good. The mood that the author was trying to convey was that the person was frustrated from all the work he had to do. He had so much work that he didn’t even want to turn on his computer. One of the sentences that I thought that made me think he was frustrated was “My finger lazily crawls to the plastic pad -- resigned to the fate of all procrastinators…..” this sentence made the paragraph easier and more understandable.
Dulce Garcia January 17, 2007
Humanities
When I read this paragraph I found it interesting because I didn’t know what he was describing. But as I kept on reading I found out what he was talking about. I think that it is interesting because it made me think about what he could be describing. He used a lot of details and he compared many things. The overall impression or mood that Ray Bradbury was trying to convey was that he really didn't want to look at the computer because it reminded him that he had a lot of work to get done. He tells us this by saying that he dreads the computer because of all the work. At the end he ends up working on his work reminding himself that the dead line is the next day. This makes me remember when i had a lot of homework and i didn't want to look at my backpack because i would get too stressed out. the two strong adjectives that i think that the author used were dead and ominous. The sense that they both appeal to are sight, because i could just picture the dead snake and the ominous eyes. The mood that they convey is a very sad picture of a nasty dead snake and some ominous eyes.
Hello Mr. Jana :]
I really like your piece. It sounds like you were typing this up and didn’t really want to do it. I like how you made the piece complicated, and made you think about what you were actually writing. I have to admit, I had to read it a couple of times before I understood what it meant. But it is good, and it made me chuckle a little bit.
I see that the first sentence wasn’t, or still is not, [depending if you’ve fixed it or not] a tense agreement. You used past tense and then present tense. I think you used the personification really well too, but as I said, you made it a little bit puzzling, and you had to read it a couple of times.
This passage, I think for most people, is hard to understand. This is not the kind of reading that you read once and you understand its meaning. Like me, at first I was not able to grasp the idea until after a few times reading it. Overall, I liked this passage.
The overall mood that I get after reading this passage is sort of like a sad and dreadful atmosphere that the author makes. Gives the impression of someone hating doing work on a computer. This quote “I push the button and it comes to life“ gives a mental picture of a computer since you press a button and it turns on. Also when the author says something about “procrastinators” gives away the fact that people who procrastinate and do work in the last minute, don’t like work. This is what I get after reading this.
Some of the strong adjectives I liked from this passage are commanding and ominous I chose these because a commanding person is also an ominous person. Or in this case, the author is talking about a computer controlling him.
Lishane Bekele
Per. ½
1/17/07
Critique of Mr. Jana’s writing
1. Write your general impressions - did you find it interesting? Why or why not?
I believe that this piece is very descriptive and I admire a good descriptive writing. I also noticed you did make a mistake in the first sentence with the tense agreement on the word open. When reading this piece I got an impression that you were talking about the dreadfulness of giving final grades.
2. What was the overall impression or mood that the author was trying to convey?
As I stated in my first question I believe the author was trying to convey a Teacher who has the idea of not having a good time entering the final grades into the grade book.
3. Find at least two strong adjectives that the author used and explain why they were effective. For example, what sense does it appeal to, what mood or image does it convey?
One strong adjective you used was unconsciously. I thought that the word was appropriate since you were explaining a mood where you were dreading the things to come. The second strong adjective you used was emanates. I thought the word emanate was a good selection because instead of just saying the glow came from the door knob you elaborated on it and replaced came with emanate.
I thought this piece was kind of confusing, but at the same time, I thought it was actually pretty good. There were many uses of metaphors and personifications, and it brought the computer to life. What was also interesting about it, was that in my mind, I could actually picture this mad or depressed man who doesn't want to do work, but has a deadline. But what also confused me was that while I would read one sentence, and try to go on to the next, I would get lost, I couldn't figure out what was happening, and I would have to re-read multiple times to understand it.
I think the overall impression of this piece was intimidation and fear. It seemed as if the man was intimidated by the work that he had to do, and he would have done anything to get out of it.
This sentence was very descriptive : Beneath it rows upon rows of tiny cushions float on a sea of plastic. I chose this sentence because I liked how many adjectives were put together to describe a simple object, and made it really come to life.
When I first read this I knew that it was about dreading to do something, but I wasn’t exactly sure what the man in the story was dreading to do. So I read it a couple of times till I understood it better. Besides that I thought that this piece was very good. I liked how you used metaphors and personification. Also the use of descriptive words really drew my attention to this story. Though when I read the first sentence “A shot of cold air struck my face as I slowly open the creaking door” I didn’t think it was going to be about procrastination at all.
ohh, so you are talking about the computer. It took me reading it about four times to figure that out. Well, I thought that this piece was well written, but i did not particularly like it. I personally am not a fan of this time of writing. I dont think that i have the pacience for it. I thought that the mood for this piece was lagging and procrastination. Not real cheerful, but then again, a peice about something you dread is usually not cheerful.
One metaphore that i liked was the one when you hung your head like a snake. I could envision it perfectly, although the way i envisioned it, you were not at a computer desk but on a black couch in a poorly painted blue room
This story is very descriptive and intriguing. The reason for this is because you can take such a short passage and make it more meaningful to where it paints an image in my mind. I actually did find this interesting but not that interesting because the main point was of a person who had to write a paper. One strong adjective that was used was “Its tiny wheels scrape against the hard wood because it feels like I’m there hearing the chair scrape against the floor. Another strong adjective that was used was “A shot of cold air struck my face” because it feels like I have just felt the cold breeze just as the writer described. I especially like the way the story was detailed because I can now envision a picture, in my head, of every event that has just occurred.
First off would like to say that I really liked this piece; I was unaware of Mr. Jana’s insanely large vocabulary. This brings me to my first positive comment. The use strong of vocabulary is what stood out to me the most. Even though some of the words are over my head, I could figure out what they meant by using the words around them; resulting in a very positive vocabulary lesson for myself. I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that there is not one sentence in this piece that doesn’t make me want to read any further. Practically every sentence keeps me guessing. The author makes such a simple task (opening a door) seem like you are entering a portal to a different unknown world. "A shot of cold air struck my face as I slowly open the creaking door." It takes a really creative person to make a description of the opening of a door seem so exciting.
The mood that the author was trying to convey to me was like a horror film kind of mood. Like every step, every move you fear for you life, your fear is so great but you have to face what is in front of you; you have no choice but to continue.
This story is filled with great adjectives. I really liked the use of “…soft whitish glow…” It made the light you were describing seem not so much of a bright light, but a soft, peaceful light. I’m pretty sure this was the impression you were going for, so kudos.
For some reason, the part where you say “…scrape against the hard floor...” stood out to me. The word scrape was perfect for the situation. If you had used a word like “glide” or “rolled” it would have completely ruined the mood. Instead it would have made it sound too graceful, and horror movies don’t have grace :].
Intersting.Very intense, disturbing (a bit) and scary. It reminds me of that creature on your desk. I thought something was on my head controlling my thoughts strange don’t you think? Has this been 1 paragragh? The plastic part I don’t get though.I cant think of any thing that I wanted to say in response except a puzzle you could do on spare time:
hint: 2 I`s, 2 N`s,and 2 T`s
e s r g
It was very interesting because it gave good detail, and facts. I also thought it was very well written. I also think it was interesting because it seemed like the real life, like hear feel smell, and touch, that’s why I think it is important. I think he was trying to convey a not happy but not sad one. I think it was in the middle. Some of the strong adjectives that were used are blackened, and pigeon-winged-books.
It was very interesting because it gave good detail, and facts. I also thought it was very well written. I also think it was interesting because it seemed like the real life, like hear feel smell, and touch, that’s why I think it is important. I think he was trying to convey a not happy but not sad one. I think it was in the middle. Some of the strong adjectives that were used are blackened, and pigeon-winged-books.
I thought that your descriptive writing was a very good piece or wrtiting. I thought that it really grasped my attentions. I didn't reaally get some of the parts that said "as I turn its knob a soft whitish glow emanates from its mechanical head." Didn't really get the meaning or it and I didn't understand where exactly where you were at.
Wow! I am overwhelmed by the amount of great feedback that I recieved. I'll write a more lenghty post about this on my blog.
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